Wednesday, October 18, 2017

The Sex and Marriage Talk

One of the hazards of encountering organized religion when being a teen is having to experience the Mandatory Sex and Marriage Talk.  Now, first of all, this is always delivered to a single sex audience: either all boys or all girls, since parents are often remiss in this duty, according to educational authorities.

The dramatis personae for this painful entertainment can be:

a)  A priest or nun, for Catholics; a hip minister for Protestants;
b)  A doctor;
c)  A not-so-hip married couple.

Obviously, the slant is going to be in the direction of "don't do it until you're married, and only to him/her, and not too often, otherwise he will get ideas."  Never mind the hormones . . . .

Catholic teens are supposed to get the message that the only acceptable form of birth control is the rhythm method, but most priests have long ago accepted the idea that not all God's children got rhythm.  And there's the prohibitive cost and maternal wear and tear from having too many bambinos!  

Anyway, these sessions almost always have to include time for some anonymously written questions:

1.  How many times per week do married couples, you know, do it?

2.  After a heavy makeout session, my boyfriend complains that his testicles hurt.  Is there anything I can do to help?

3.  Is it a sin to go commando if you're not in the British Army?

4.  What is a reasonable amount of submitting to your husband?

5.  Do husbands have to submit to their wives also?

6.  How do you resolve differences over disciplining your children?

7.  (For priests)  Do you think that Kim Kardashian is hot?

8.  (For the doctor)  Is there any physical harm from getting good vibrations?

9.  How do I get my girlfriend to stop nagging me?

10.  How do I tell my boyfriend to shower more often?

Not surprisingly, the doctor tends to give the most matter-of-fact information.

The members of the audience can include a number of snarky girls.  I suppose guys refrain from snarkiness and are totally polite.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Polite Clickbait, as Opposed to the Other Kind

Clickbait is a common accompaniment to featured sites. Their purpose is to attract readers to additional sites to further advertisement or persuasive goals. Some clickbait is rather raw, promising wardrobe malfunctions or scandalous doings or perhaps revealing secrets that people might find embarrassing!

From the start I'll define the term polite clickbait as sites that are generally inoffensive, yet one squanders time pursuing. Conde-Nast Traveler, for instance, has lists of the ten friendliest and ten least friendly cities in the U.S. Where does your city fall? Which places are friendly; and which are unfriendly? Is Nashville a friendly place? What about Baltimore? I'll give you a freebie: C-N cites Charleston as the most friendly place.  

No, not the ones in West Virginia or Massachusetts.

Not surprisingly, the least friendly place cited is in New Jersey. You wanna make something of it?

We now consider the Most Boring Cities. Forbes magazine lists the most boring cities. Apparently, there's not a lot of love for California, Arizona, and Nevada. 

And there's web sites that allow you to scroll among old pictures. These are typically mundane, yet described in sensationalistic ways. You can tell the links to this kind of click bait by suggestible come-on lines as "you won't believe what she was doing." 

What can be said of these sites? They're harmless; but are sort of open-ended wastes of time. At least you don't come away from them feeling icky, like the semipornish ones or the fake news ones. Or, especially, the ones that have viruses attached.

Friday, October 13, 2017

On the Sunny Side of Discreet

Today is a special day to be marked privately by women.

This is an occasion for discreet independence from one usual convention. October 13th is National No Bra Day. It's time to free las niñas!

However, for politeness's sake and a little less conspicuousness, then you can get some breast petals so as not make a fashion statement:

Who knows: you might also find a reason to celebrate National No Bra Day + 1 and +2!

For lasses of Hibernian ancestry, there's also Saint Patrick's Day.

Monday, October 9, 2017

What's With the Falsettos?

As I have sometimes alluded to, I'm a sometime fan of classical rock; though sometimes making cracks about some examples that I thought were excessive.

However, there's a phenomenon that seems confusing to me: periodically, male groups came out with songs suns wholly or partly in falsetto. What's with this odd practice? Frank Valli and the Four Seasons were particularly notorious; with songs like "Big Girls Don't Cry" and "Sherry." But even the Beach Boys have gone the falsetto route, with "Sloop John B." Others include Lou Christie, Beck, and The Bee Gees.

I have two possible theories for this:

(1) The occasional male group singing in falsetto is a kind of psychic rejection of puberty; with for boys no less than with girls puberty has a mixed bag to go with it.*

(2) The persistence of falsetto singing guys might be a cultural longing for castrati. As barbarous as it sounds, for several hundred years prepubescent boys were castrated to maintain their voices in an alto or soprano range.**

Anyway, I'm really puzzled. Does anyone have an idea for why male falsettos occur so often in popular music?

*Things suddenly got more serious; and there's no way out. I admit to having been ambivalent about it all at the time.

**A fictional example of this is found in Anne Rice's book Cry to Heaven. Warning: it is explicit; and not among her best. In my opinion, you might enjoy Feast of All Saints more. It's a novel about the Free People of Color in old New Orleans.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Why Do Witches Ride Brooms?

It's a common Halloween image, a witch riding on a broom.

But where did this notion come from?

Well, apparently there were a few individuals back in the Medieval times and later who practiced witchery; and sometimes this included the use of Witches' Brews.

Now among the ingredients used in these Witches' Brews included some psychoactive substances such as belladonna, henbane, mandrake, and nightshade, and others. These substances are rich in powerful alkaloids such as atropine. These were often used in their 'flying ointments,' so-called because they gave users a sense of flying.

These Witches' Brews were also highly toxic if ingested. However, they can also be absorbed into the skin in locations such as underarms, the rectum, or the vagina. The mode of application was to have the substances in an ointment that was in turn applied to the handle of a pitchfork or broom. 

Atropine can be poisonous in stronger doses. However, this method of application avoids some of the negative symptoms that oral intake would provide.

In short, by being astride a broomstick, and a little judicious friction, the witches could really get airborne in their witches' sabbats!

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

The Passing of Hugh Hefner, Editor of Playboy

Last week Mr. Hugh Hefner, former editor of Playboy magazine, died. The magazine, in its heyday had millions of subscribers and newsstand purchasers. had since been eclipsed by others that featured semi- or completely nude women in a less slick and high-rent tone.

He was credited with being a major figure in the sexual revolution and in Civil Rights; yet was largely retrogressive in the rise of feminism. The magazine, except for in its last two years, featured a nude centerfold, excessively airbrushed and sometimes technically augmented. Each fall, Playboy magazine featured articles on college girls by conference

I suspect that a major reason why Playboy stopped using centerfolds is because of the times. Specifically, nudity and porn became so commonplace and easily accessed that, for many guys to indulge their fantasies, it became less of a big thing. It is also my understanding that the nature of porn has changed; Playboy's nudes now seem tame, as compared to what kinds of porn are available today.

Sometime in the past of the magazine, he launched a Playboy Philosophy. This translated into free sexual license (sometime back then effective birth control means were developed and marketed) coupled with consumerism. All of this was packaged into a  hedonistic lifestyle. He also established several Playboy Clubs in large cities where keyholder members could gain access to drinks and sophisticated entertainment. Finally, he lived in the Playboy Mansion in Chicago.

To many feminists, the most offensive aspect of his endeavors came in the form of the Playboy bunnies; young, attractive women dressed in satin swimsuit-like costumes with cotton tails on their tushes and bunny ears.* I personally find them offensive too. 

If there was a truly saving grace to Playboy magazine, it was in the cartoons. Many of the best cartoonists of the time drew for Playboy, and they were regarded highly. Some of the cartoons were truly funny in a risqué way.  However, a less-publicized editorial change that accompanied the elimination of the centerfold was the elimination of Playboy cartoons. This made it just another publication, despite its still-omnipresent consumerism and hedonism orientation. Kind of like Martha Stewart for guys.

Oh well, Captain Billy's Whiz Bang had its day too.

*Curiously, the bunny ears became a common motif in anime girls cartoons later on.

Monday, October 2, 2017

Retro Origins of a Horse's Name

The rock group America tiresomely sang about riding the desert with an anonymous horse. Was that a terminal case of procrastination on the horse's owner or parents?* 

Now there's Limousine Liberal, a horse with a funny name.

A limousine liberal tends to talk a good game of supporting liberal causes while being largely exempt from their impact. Specifically, they support environmental causes while using limousines or private jets, or ostensibly supporting public education while sending their children to private schools or Ivy League universities. 

This year, the winner of the Churchill Downs Stakes was a five-year old gelding horse named Limousine Liberal. It is not known whether this unfortunate horse supports liberal causes but is unaffected by them. It is also not known what are the politics of its owner.

This is not like a charley horse.

Poor Charley. Is he doomed to ride the M.T.A. also?

*I change stations with this one on WMTY.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Tee Marie Finds a Cure for a Cough

As a teen, Tee Marie got her first job ever at the drug store in Houma. However, Tee Marie, not being too smart, had trouble finding the items customers would ask for. After several customers stormed out of the drug store without their merchandise, the druggist told Tee Marie, "Look, you are costing me too much business. The next customer that you don't sell something to will be the last straw. I'm going to have to let you go."

A few minutes later, in walked old Mr. Pfister, looking for something for a bad cough. Tee Marie looked and looked, but couldn't find the cough medicine, so, knowing this is her last chance to keep her job, sold Mr. Pfister some Ex-Lax, and told him to take the whole box at one time. Mr. Pfister's cough was so bad that he paid for the Ex-Lax, and took the whole box before leaving the store. 

After he leaved, the druggist told Tee Marie, "Well, that's better. I see you finally sold something. What did that customer want?" 

Tee Marie replied, "Well, he wanted some cough medicine, but I couldn't find it, so I sold him some Ex-Lax." The druggist screamed at Tee Marie, "Ex-Lax won't help his cough!"

 Tee Marie answered, "Aw, yeh, it helped him! Look at him leaning on that post outside. He's afraid to cough!"

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

The Slamming of the Millennials

Americans think in terms of generations. This is partly because people were born or grew up in age-stratified compartments and are assumed to have similar attitudes and experiences because of the fact of when they were born.

And to make it further compelling to think in this way, they denote these generations with catchy titles,, like "The Greatest Generation," "The Silent Generation," "The Baby Boomers," "Generation X," "Millennials," and so on.

As my generation, The Millennials, grows a little older and some already have children of at least a critical age, these generation-namers will coin a new term to cover the newcomers. And the process starts over, I'm afraid.

It looks like the older generations are disposed to find fault with the younger generations for their real or imagined sins. Or maybe to re-focus the blame elsewhere instead of themselves. 

Here's a number of their real or alleged vices of Millennials, according to those older:

1.  They are too enraptured with their cell phones. [Many of us cannot afford 50-inch T.V.s]

2.  They are narcissistic; they take too many selfies. [As if there was a virtue in using a SLR or a Brownie.]

3.  They don't vote in the right way. [Both liberals and conservatives make this self-serving accusation.]

4.  They are not as likely to vote. [Given some of the choices served up my the two major parties, this might signal frustration or plain common sense. Really, Major Political Parties, were Hillary and The Donald the best you could do?]

5.  They are slow to marry and settle down; resulting in a long gap between adolescence and full-fledged adulthood. [As if marriage automatically comes with a maturity app.]

6.  They tend to gravitate to cities; leaving their hometowns behind in favor of the bright lights of elsewhere. [Gee, I didn't know we collectively have a duty to Podunk, a place where we can't find employment in.]

7.  They are dissatisfied with menial jobs. [Aren't most people?, especially when the salaries that go with them make it hard to make a living on.]

8.  Millennials are too cheap; they're not doing enough to drive the engine of the consumer economy. [Our duty is to consume!, consume! consume! Whoever said that 'a penny saved is a penny earned' must be some kind of anarchist, or something!]

9.  They are too free with regard to sexual attitudes and behavior. ["Keep your skirt in place and your legs crossed. And, for God's sake: Wear a bra!"]

10.  They are largely ignoring traditional dating or courtship practices in favor of 'hooking up.' [They streamlined the process.]

11. They are overly sensitive, can't take criticism, and demand 'safe spaces' like little snowflakes. {Said by many Dutch uncles and critics.]

And we can go on and on. Or just flip the collective bird to the critics in a New Orleans Fourth Ward-approved salute.

Anyway, historically it might be a false assumption that any age cohort radically departs from the social or behavioral norms almost universally adhered to in earlier times. Still, teeth-gnashers need something to chew on. 

Monday, September 25, 2017

Most Lewd-Sounding Town Names in Each State

American place names can be very curious; but they rarely become an occasion for blushing. Still, there is the odd place here and there that amuses, perplexes, or shocks unexpectedly. Here's a little map calling attention to the most lewd-sounding town map in each state. 

Which one is your favorite? I admit that Wankers Corner, OR does it for me. 

I was not aware that there was a different meaning of the word cooter besides that of a type of turtle.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Are Males Verbally Disposed Towards Anti-materialism?

In general, it's generally accepted that men use more profanity than do women. Especially the so-called F-word and some of the others.

Moreover, there is their curious use of the word shit in a context unrelated to fecal matter, as in these contexts:

"I need to get my shit together and move in the dorm tomorrow."

"Brenda kicked me out of the apartment and threw all my shit in the apartment pool." Describing the denouement of a domestic disagreement between roommates.

In other words, these guys verbally equate their possessions with fecal waste.

Now this is not an individual linguistic quirk; but one that many guys use. Contrariwise, I have never encountered a girl or women use the word shit in that context. Try this on:

"I need to move my shit into the sorority house this weekend." Huh?

Is this a sign that men are less comfortable with the fact that they have possessions, or are they positively burdened with the fact of their presence?

Let's face it: most guys are not into extensive care of clothing, ironing, and the like. And many of their things require maintenance. 

Is that why they refer to their 'stuff' as their 'shit"? Is it out of peevishness?

Well, I am out on a limb with this one. Obviously, in addition to the possible sex difference is this vocabulary term, are their regional or age-graded differences as well? My experience is largely based on Southerners of the same approximate age as myself. Do Yankee guys refer to their possessions as shit? 

Thursday, September 21, 2017

More About "Le Boudin"

Yesterday, I posted about a Boudin Festival in Cajun country.

Boudin is a blood sausage commonly found in France and in Cajun country.*

Le Boudin is also the official marching song of the Foreign Legion. Here is the lyrics:

Here you are, some blood sausage, some blood sausage, some blood sausage
For the Alsatians, the Swiss, and the Lorraines,
For the Belgians, there's none left,
For the Belgians, there's none left,
They're lazy shirkers.
For the Belgians, there's none left,
For the Belgians, there's none left,
They're shooters from the ass [lazy shirkers].
1st verse:
We are crafty.
We are rogues.
We are no ordinary guys.
We've often got our black moods,
For we are Legionnaires.
In Tonkin, the Immortal Legion
Honored our flag at Tuyen Quang.
Heroes of Cameroon and exemplary brothers
Sleep in peace in your tombs.
(Repeat Chorus)
2nd verse:
Our ancestors knew how to die
For the glory of the Legion.
We will know how to perish
According to the tradition.
During our far-off campaigns,
Facing fever and fire,
Let us forget, along with our hardships,
Death, which forgets us so little.
(For) we are the Legion.

*I recommend using andouille instead.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Everett, Washington Bans Bikini Baristas

Well, I just learned about another modern-day Land of the Uptight Prudes, I was surprised at where this place was located -- not Utah or Boston, but Washington State. Specifically, Everett, Washington's City Council recently passed an ordinance banning baristas from wearing bikinis. Or, as someone sniffed, "half-naked women."

As an occasional bikini-wearer at the shore and someone who thinks wearing one in public is not offensive to public morals, I find this dismaying. It clearly seems like an uncalled-for limitation on the freedom of expression. Hey, they have bikini baristas in Alabama!

But I wonder about this prudishness from this unexplained source. Have the Trumpies won? Are we in for a actualization of The Handmaiden's Tale? What other limitations can we anticipate with dread? How about a Pasty Patrol? 

The city actually came up with an example of what baristas could wear to be compliant with the dress code:

Sleveless shirts? Thought up by someone with tacky tastes, no doubt!

Seriously, this sort of blue law is excessively intrusive, and sucks out some enjoyment of life. I don't know what the total moral climate is there; but I feel that I might be the quintessential outsider.

Here's a bikini barista showing her dubious fandom:

Here's a little story about Angel (moi!)

Years ago, I worked for a while as a barista, a purveyor of licit addictive caffeinated substances. Several of us tried a few ways to prompt people to leave a gratuity in the tip jar. We found that the best way was to use one of our bras; with each of us in rotation offering one of ours as the tip receptacle! As I had body issues at the time, I was pleased that mine when it was the bra of the day got a gratifying amount of tips.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Voting Fraud in the Election for Boudin Queen

In the Bayou Teche area, it's said that the players will bet on anything; even high school sports and which duck will first take off from the water. And players of Louisiana politics is not above playing by Chicago rules either! Even to the extent of bringing in outsiders to sweeten the deal. Now that's called Plaquemines Parish Rule: as many as you can import gets to vote!

However, this mania for gambling reached epic proportions when Badeaux's Bar and Recreation Center started offering a morning line on which young miss would win the title of Boudin Queen at the annual Boudin Festival. To be sure, this was a highly coveted title in Grand Teche, even exceeding Homecoming Queen at Grand Teche High School!

Now some of the same strategies that might be employed in beauty pageants, special hair tints, well-fitting dresses, bra inserts, heels, and other ways of enhancing the appeal of the various contestants. But since betting on the outcome and money changing hands was part of the process, some nefarious bettors tried stuffing the ballot box. Hence my comment about Plaquemines Parish rules.

The problem one years was that the competition for Boudin Queen was especially keen one year Tee Tina, Clotilde, Tee Suzette, Tee Marie, Marguerite, and others promised more viable choices and there was unusual interest in the process. Some of this was due to some long-term rivalries among the contestants; and some was due to a lot of Texas money being bet on the contestants.

Now the esteemed position of Boudin Queen was done ostensibly democratically: one person, one vote. But the ballot boxes were stuffed! 

Or so the story went.

Part of it was also that Tee Tina's maman insisted that she wore her bra: "No, you are not to appear like that in front of the whole Parish including old Father Broussard!" And another part was that Tee Suzette kissed her way into getting some votes. These ploys split the local vote, so to speak.

Anyway, Barbara Jean, a fille recently moved in from Texas, won the title. The story came out about the voting irregularities and no one was especially fooled. No, Barbara Jean's campaign manager paid busloads of local bar patrons a beer apiece if they voted for Barbara Jean. Some greedy so-and-sos voted three or four times, getting a beer each time. 

The crowd was unusually rowdy that evening in Grand Teche's Fair around the time the Boudin Queen's vote was announced! How much was due to beer bribes; and how much was utter surprise, one can only guess.

Friday, September 15, 2017

An Outré Dinner Date

Angela liked Mark a lot; and when he asked her out to dinner, she was overjoyed. Mark was, to her, the beau ideal of her class, who seemingly had smarts, polish, and connections.

Until she found out where he was taking her: The Pussycat's Den, a new, locally-owned breastaurant in town!

She demurred half-heartedly; but decided that this was a new kind of camp experience. And something in her wondered what it was like.

Well, there were the well-bosomed waitresses. Deliberately selected on the basis of breast size and willingness to display them. And the atmosphere was slightly frat house modern.

And, to cap it all off, Mark and Angela joined five other guys for a drinking and bull session! In all, it was an odd sex ratio; and Angela wondered what the ramifications of that were.

Then she got the message: Mark thought of her as a friend who happened to be a girl, not a girlfriend! And he wanted her to meet his other buds. Maybe she could fit in with this high testosterone group. But Angela didn't think she had some of the subtle symptoms in women. (Women produce small quantities of testosterone in the adrenal glands and in the ovaries.) 

Needless to say, Angela was hurt and disappointed by her being relegated to the dreaded friend zone. However, the story did have a surprise twist: she eventually married one of the guys that she met that night at the Pussycat's Den, and Mark was in the bridal party as the Best Man (or Best Dude)!

Sometimes friends help out in unusual ways. And being in the Friend Zone ain't too bad.

A Pussycat Girl in Her Outfit.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Does the Senate Now Require a Religious Test for the Judiciary?

Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
---The Constitution of the United States
Okay, this is serious; a departure from the usual levity I try to maintain in these pages.
Recently, the nominee for the 7th Court of Appeals, Amy Coney Barrett, was undergoing the usual screening by members of the Senate regarding her suitability for the Federal bench when Sens. Dick Durbin and Dianne Feinstein asked how her being Catholic might affect her serving as a Federal judge.
In my opinion, these sorts of questions are highly inappropriate:
"Do you consider yourself an 'orthodox Catholic?" - Durbin

[And do you consider yourself a warranted, genuine Dick, Senator?]
And Dianne Feinstein implied that actual belief in the doctrines of one's faith are grounds for disqualification from public service. Yeah, I know; she's concerned that the nominee might be anti-abortion. The horror! The horror! 
Holy cow, people! We need an attitude check!

Or we're going to see questions like, "Do you consider yourself an 'orthodox Muslim" someday, or even "Do you practice what you preach?" Or try this on for size: "Are you, are have you ever been, a member of the ________ Church?"

I think the two poor, misguided Senators should write the First Amendment 100 times; and think of other ways to disqualify nominees that are still within the guidelines of the Constitution since that was likely their intention.

And Congress needs to get up front and list which churches are established, and which are not. Do Quakers pass? How about Seventh Day Adventists? To be right with the good senators, do I have to become a Holy Roller? Or a snake handler? Or a high church Episcopalian? Prithee, let us have guidance!

Disclosure: I am a Catholic, and I was not amused with the Senators' line of questioning.

Comment: I plan to confine posting on serious, controversial topics to Wednesday, if that's okay with everybody. So if you want Angel Light, there's still the rest of the week. One day a week being serious is heavy lifting for a blonde. 

Monday, September 11, 2017

More Street Signs

If it's taxes, it's everybody else's too:

Some might feel inadequate:

Not a place in which to go swimming:

Sad state of affairs:

Oh my God!

Some advice should be followed:

Friendship has its limits:

Canadian native or very hirsute:

Unfortunately named street:

For God's sake, use a tissue:

The Mooch or Johnny Knoxville:

For drunken guys singing Karaoke:


Mixed message:

Fraternity Row: 

Named after the horse:

A chef named Richard with a prosthetic:

A heinous slander:

A road that leads somewhere:

In Fairplay, Colorado:

Better than a Dutch rub:

Fixation on street names:

A street with some kinks in it:

Friday, September 8, 2017

Alexis de Tocqueville on the Press in America

In America there is scarcely a hamlet which has not its own newspaper. It may readily be imagined that neither discipline nor unity of design can be communicated to so multifarious a host, and each one is consequently led to fight under his own standard. All the political journals of the United States are arrayed indeed on the side of the administration or against it; but they attack and defend in a thousand different ways. They can not succeed in forming those great currents of opinion which overwhelm the most solid obstacles. This division of the influence of the press produces a variety of other consequences which are scarcely less remarkable. The facility with which journals can be established induces a multitude of individuals to take part in them; but as the extent of competition precludes the possibility of considerable profit, the most distinguished classes of society are rarely led to engage in these undertakings. But such is the number of the public prints that, even if they were a source of wealth, writers of ability could not be found to direct them all. The journalists of the United States are usually placed in a very humble position with a scanty education and a vulgar turn of mind.

The spirit of the journalist is to appeal crudely, directly, and artlessly to the passions of the people he is addressing, forsaking principles in order to portray individuals, pursue them into their private lives, and lay bare their weaknesses and vices.  Such abuse of thought can only be deplored.

         -- Alexis de Tocqueville, Democracy in America (1835)

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country

2.  The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3.  The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.

4.  USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format.

5.  The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it.

6.  The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7.  The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8.  The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9.  The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are Democrats.

10.  The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

11.  The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.